it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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