She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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