I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
