no, he came in my armpit
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
