Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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