I could make wine with my vomit
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
