the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
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What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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