Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
