That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
