i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
