The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
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