Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
