I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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