I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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