I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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