I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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