so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
