I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
