have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
