Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
