I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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