Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
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Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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