imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
