Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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