He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
