Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
