So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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