Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
do herpes really smell.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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