he puts the penis in happiness.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
