i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
