Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
