Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
