He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
