I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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