She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
