i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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