just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
