dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
