you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
