I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
