butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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