Four minutes until I can fart!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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