they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
