bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
