I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
