I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Actions speak louder than pants.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
