In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
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You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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