Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
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Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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