I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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