If that was your dad, he is hot
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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