eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
What drink are we having for lunch?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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