I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
