I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
