Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
