you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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