Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
