Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
