she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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