Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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