Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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