Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
