I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
