ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
