What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
