I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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