Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
