I am spending my child support on dildos
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
