the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
