I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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