what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
time to smoke my breakfast
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
